BREAKING NEWS: SCIENTIST DISCOVERS WHY PEOPLE SEATED IN THE FRONT ROW OF FASHION SHOWS LOOK SO BORED

Thursday May 2nd, 2013

It has been a grey-area for decades, but the CFDA today announced that a scientist in London has made significant advancements in the study of facial expressions of fashion show attendees. 

The research completed during the recent Fall/Winter 2013 shows by Dr. G. Van-Chi reveals that the look of boredom specific to fashion show attendees is caused by the nerve fibers around the blood vessels becoming ultra sensitive when a person is seated in an environment surrounded by beautiful people, expensive clothing, free champagne, and social photographers. Van-Chi made the discovery after looking at MRI scans of 50 women who suffered from the condition and examining their arteries. The patients were all considered healthy, but when attending a fashion show suffered from reactions ranging from mild boredom to intense irritation. 

Van-Chi found that the closer to the runway the women were seated the more irritated they appeared, with those standing in the area known as GA the least “pissed-off” looking. The exception to this finding was a select few women who are believed to have been previous front-row fixtures, but now sit second or third row. 

“These women were the most pissed-off looking out of all our subjects,” Van-Chi revealed. “At first, we thought it might have been because they couldn’t see the clothing properly and were in pain from straining their eyes. But after reviewing the pictures they had put up on their Instagrams it is clear to us they had no problem with view. We will continue to investigate why they look so damn annoyed.”

The study cited severe cases such as that of American Vogue editor, Anna Wintour, which are believed to be combated with wearing sunglasses indoors. However, Van-Chi reassured those who suffer from the condition that such drastic measures need not be taken. “I believe armed with this new knowledge we are closer than ever before to finding a cure. Ms. Wintour’s case is extreme and I am hopeful that in the near future we will be able to treat and manage the condition before it gets that bad.” 

The CFDA is said to be hosting a conference next week to discuss possible treatment options.